The Two Edged Sword of Emotion

God has given me many talents. I have a desire to express poetry and to work to find the true story of something. When I am in an interview, one of the most common questions I ask when we get to the "Do you have any questions?" part, is that I like to ask a bit about the history of the project and the company if they haven't already gone over it (though more and more these days they are as part of the 'info dump' part of the interveiw.)

It is this trait that lets me be a writer and walk in worlds that never were. Through role playing games, I've been able to save the world a few dozen times now. I think we'll all agree that the odds of my doing that in the real one are rather...slim.

But what is a strength can be a weakness. The dramas created in my mind can be painful at times, despite the increasing strength of my reason. Rationally, I am entirely aware of the fact that I've been unemployed before, and that I will again, and that I will get another job. By basic probability it should be within one or two months, three or four if you include tough economic times. The longest has been six. Yes, we're in a depression right now, but one can find work in a depression.

The true problem though isn't the anticipated distance between jobs, but rather this vague murmering belief in the back of my mind that somehow I've offended all of my recruiters and previous employers and that somewhere there is a blacklist somewhere of people not to hire and my name is on it.

There is no rational basis for this belief, and more importantly, at least I am capable of recognizing that it is there, but that doesn't make it any less painful to beat down on a regular basis.

Aside from that, things are going quite well. I've got a lot of projects and a lot of drive to get them done. The more I can focus on them while still searching for a job, the more I can tamp down delusions of paranoia. :)

Last night Jennifer and I went to an excellent concert featuring the Wiyos, Willie Nelson, John Melancamp and Bob Dylan. Jennifer got the tickets at the beginning of the month. I liked them all but you'd but amazed to find that my favorite was actually the cover band you've never heard of before (the Wiyos.) Dylan was hard to understand, but appearantly he's always hard to understand and you can hear more in a man's voice than the words he says.