Good Times

I don't have a job yet, but last Monday I had about four good leads pop up out of nowhere. Given how sparse the previous two weeks had been this was most welcome news. I had a face to face interview last Friday that seemed to go pretty well (I wasn't hired on the spot but I got the implication that a decision will be made soon) and I have a phone interview tomorrow and a face to face interview on Thursday, as well as two more recruiters that plan on talking to me tomorrow or very soon. I have what I call a 'recruiter' interview tomorrow in the afternoon.

Creatively speaking I've been able to make some progress but hardly a well of outpouring. I'm on the last chapter of the graphic novel, and while I had writer's block on it for a good chunk of last week I've slowly been able to make progress. I've also been working with Ken on the revision of the fourth novel. I've started my first 'non sci fi' story in many years, and its kind of fun but I'm not churning out pages. Last Tuesday was the two month anniversary since I was laid off, but fortunately a nice 'thank you' dinner from Allison (details classified) and a boy's night out at the bar with Russell were a rather welcome distraction.

I saw Thor on Thursday. It was pretty good. I do think it is more enjoyable if you know the comic and some of the things that are supposed to be going on in the background, but I think it would still be enjoyable regardless if you're a huge comic fan. Friday night I got my Advanced Gold belt. My goal is to at least get my green belt, which means next cycle I'll need to decide if I'm going to continue that or start taking Yoga. Both are incredibly beneficial. I'll make a decision soon.

I have been able to reconnect with a friend that I was previously estranged with, and I've made yet more insightful decisions. One of which is, some details and lessons are best kept private. :)

Viewpoint Matters

So I've been acting deliriously happy for the last six weeks relative to my situation. There are lots of reasons for this and lots of lessons learned but here is the cliff notes version: Unless you are attempting to generate sympathy, moaning about the situation helps nothing, and you'd be wise to save those moments for when you truly need them....kind of like some people are reluctant to take Aspirin in too great a dose....and in truth, there is wisdom in this...I should know, because I took too much last October and the ringing still occasionally flits around my ears. ;)

I think the most valuable lesson I've learned is that our perspective really is subjective. You've heard that before, but its true. Its basically a matter of trying to construct your own reality, your own values and your own perceptions, while at the same time maintaining a grounded understanding of what is true for everyone else. For me in practical terms it means taking delight in the little things around me, making plans about what I might do that are bigger than the sky, and also small enough that I'll be able to do them no matter what my circumstance, and setting goals that I can achieve. I've been doing that for a long long time but I never realized how important it was. Of course I know about the subjective truth of things...but from an objective perspective I'm also working my ass off to find a job. In truth its the hardest job I have or ever do because it never really ends. You can always be doing more, and even more frustrating because most jobs come from a post to a job board that takes about two seconds to update a week by hitting the refresh button, meanwhile the task that I take hours and hours each day performing, sending out resumes, almost always accomplishing nothing....except, of course, giving me something to show for my efforts plus ten percent of recruiter calls actually DO come from placed resumes. Little lessons are learned each time this happens to me. :)

Small victories:

I'm getting my advanced yellow belt next week. (Exercize in dark situations is HUGE!)

I've lost 13 pounds in 6 weeks.

I've managed to shave about 60-70% off of my monthly budget by saving things in little ways....(Thanks Skip for the idea of storing all my public storage space in my closet!)

I've decided that playing role playing games is actually cool.

I have only had a mental break down once in the last two months...(For being unemployed, that's pretty good...trust me :) )

I've written two stories and have ideas for two more. And I'm well on my way toward keeping almost all of my yearly goals.

I've healed a friendship I thought was lost.

I've forgiven what I didn't have to forgive (not related to the above.)

I've been a force for good in at least 5 people's lives.

I've made the world a better place.

I successfully initiated Project Fluffy. (Nope, sorry that part is for me to know :) )

I've run several successful games online and had my favorite mush accept an interdimensional @#$@#$# bus driver...I mean, how awesome is that? :)

I've discovered and watched some rather remarkable movies and television shows and books...and grocked them rather well.

I've invented at least 4 different new ways to improve my job search so that its now more efficient than its ever been....my confidence remains high, such that even the most cynical part of me is forced to grudgingly admit minor possibility that things might somehow work out.

I know where I'm going with my life.

I also have at least two very solid leads on how to get what I most want.

I also have a rather solid and realistic plan to get what I most want after that, even if I don't get Plan A.

Aside from that....life is swell. TTYL.

The Eye of the Storm

So as of today it has officially been 4 weeks since I was laid off. This is the middle point of my self granted two months of looking for a Project Manager job before I just started looking for 'whatever' job I could to pay for the bills. I'm actually trying to be a little more flexible than that, in that I'll take Technical Writing jobs that will still give me project experience towards getting my PMP. So far the hunt goes...moderate. The market is clearly very strong, and I'm getting at least one call a day from recruiters, but since I'm transitioning, I'm not in as strong a position as I was before. A year of PM experience + 10 years tech writing experience does not command as strong a position as 12 years of Tech writing experience. But it is worth it, because there are, in fact, many MANY more positions out there asking for 5 years PM experience than there are tech writing jobs of any kind.

Morale has been good for the most part. I'm not as disciplined as I'd like to be. A job helps me keep an organized schedule, and I thrive under pressure. Without that external pressure (besides 'find a job'), I have to force myself to have structure, which is energy that takes away from other things. I'm getting some creative work done, but not at my full capacity. I'm thinking about tricks around it, we'll see what I can do.

I will not be able to get the PMP this year. The good news is that my education credits do not expire. The bad news is that all of my volunteer experience counts for nothing. It has to be paid corporate experience, so my motivation to start side businesses, officially registered as corporations has gone up dramatically. I need 2500 more hours to qualify, and I'd like to take it next year. That way even if I do take a tech writing job, I can still get my PMP, which is HUGE in terms of getting a PM job.

Last weekend was fun. We cleaned the house of doom with Mom, Skip, Grandma and I, along with three friends (Claire, Russell, and Will) and a woman mom found on the ATML. She is a production assistant and I told her she should talk to Mom for networking possibilities. The house looks a LOT better, but some minor complications arose from things we discovered in the house. Some specialists will need to be consulted but I'm hoping to go back in early June or late May. Two more times and it should be pretty much 'done' to the point that we might be able to start trying to sell it. I really want to finish this before I leave Atlanta. I also saw a concert at Wild Bills from Riff Raff. Low cost cover charge. Sunday I took up an invite from another friend of mine (Daniel Hollinger) to the Ren Fest. It was fun. There were a lot of people there. I bought a wooden cup that I might photo along with the leather vest I bought at dragon con and finished paying for a week before I got laid off. :)

Last week Mom and I also went to see Hannah. It was pretty fun. We both enjoyed it.

All for now.

And now the fun starts

So...the whole lemons and lemonades bit...

If you'd asked me that question six months ago, I would have taken a large metal object and shoved it where the sun doesn't shine. But I'm learning.

The truth of that saying isn't that you should be gleefully denying of reality, because that's just dumb and hurts not only yourself but people around you (in fact I'm coming to believe that a significant amount of the world's misery if not all of it comes from lies that people tell themselves that they want to be true) but at the same time understanding that things are subjective, not objective.

Who determines the meaning of my life? Well, in some ways everyone. But in the most important way its me. One of the best games I ever played was a game I was truly far behind in, and made up my own side quest. The game in question is called, appropriately enough, Junta, in which all of the players are members of the elite families and cabinet. The goal of the game is to steal as much money for your swiss bank account as possible. It became readily apparent early on due to random chance that I couldn't win, so I decided not to be president. Normally you WANT to be president in that game, because it allows you to steal the most money but sometimes it also makes you a big target. So through all kinds of bizarre politics people wanted to foist it on me and I refuse. I had a blast.

My point is that I have felt a need for quite some time to grow emotionally. And I have felt that I would never be able to do so in the amount of time I wanted. Well, now I can turn the joke that is the script of my life into an opportunity. I can react in a cool way instead of have a nervous break down about it.

This is not, unlike Hollywood movies going to make me somehow successful. I don't have a script writer. Trust me, as a writer I would know this. There are certain signs. The lack of exploding cars is a one of them.

This small attitude change isn't going to change my life in any significant way, but it will make it more enjoyable. And ultimately, that's what life is about. Enjoying what you have the best you can as much as you are able without being miserable about it.

So am I going to still want things I can't have and strive for the impossible? Absolutely. Because that's me. That's the theme of my life. Comically attempting stupidly impossible things and getting routinely crushed for it my running gag. If anything, I may begin to try even more outrageously impossible things for my own amusement.

At any rate...on to more practical matters.

Job Search = Teh Suck. A few leads, mainly due to Miles, a rather kick ass recruiter referred to me by Skip, but nothing major. The plan is to go another 6 weeks trying to find a BA job, then spend 3 months trying to find a tech writer job, then move out West. Where? Dunno. But I've been meaning to move for some time...and unless I get a job here, I will go out there. Its one of the things I figured out in my last trip to Cartersville.

I'm doing two things much differently this time. I'm paying for monthly membership in a freelancer site to see if I can get some work that way. And I'm networking more. Neither has yielded results but it will be amusing to try.

Let's see...what else? Graphic novel is on Chapter 5. Novel 4 is in editing stages. Seven Timelines is ready for kickstarter when Kitten gets better to give me the presentation....

I am going to try to write a short story a week, starting with finishing Unfood this week. Every other story will be set in the real world...ish. I want to try being a 'real' writer for a while to see how it feels. I'm resuming board gaming. I have decided that I gain no practical benefit from not playing rpg's but I'm still burned out on them. Go figure.

Life goes on. Vaya con Dios.

The Last of the Lingering Questions Resolved

To be honest the last few weeks have been difficult. I have learned that the significant other of a friend was monitoring our email conversations. When I confronted her about it, she was not only not apologetic but manipulatively tried to turn me on my friend. Upon learning the level of duplicity this person was capable of, I came to the realization she might have been involved in matters much more personal to me and much more important. Upon confronting my friend about this....well let us merely say I learned more about my friend and she got what she wanted.

As a result I went on another trip out of town since the last one went so well. It was fun but hardly what I'd call profound. Although I did get another novel idea if I ever get to fortitude back to write it. That's emotional fortitude FYI not physical fortitude. Physically I am fine. At any rate thanks to Claire for rdcomennding the tellus museum and alisson for recommending the booth
museum. I spent most of the weekend in the hotel room just enjoying the change of scenery, though to be honest I should have chosen another hotel. There was no one else there and it was somewhat creepy.

In some ways I am better than I have been in quite some time, since I have an idea on how to use the demonstratble skills I do have that are exceptional to make the world a better place, even if it won't be very flashy. The problem is that I just don't care to do it alone, and I am losing my ability to decieve myself that there isn't something....missing in me. I don't know what it is, but I know what the practical effect is. Perhaps I lost a part of my soul somewhere along the way in another life or something...if so it would explain a lot.

My plans to move are increasing in seriousness now that I know my calling in life. The problem is that a move won't fix some things. A man cannot run from his own shadow, especially when it hangs over him. I am attempting to use the strengths I do have to fix the ones I do not. Like the cylons, I have a plan. Unlike the cylons, I actually know what it is instead of making it up as I go along. We'll see if it works.

Update: I fixed the spelling errors in this and gave it a title, because I've erased enough of my stuff of late. But things are mostly better in the morning and whilst all of this is still true, in the greater perspective of things its just part of life everyone has to deal with in one manner or another.

Pilgrimidges and Pathos

I have been to Graceland, and returned. I went, so the saying goes, because of a song. The song in this case being "Graceland" because I like Paul Simon. So when I had two days of...symbolic difficulty, St. Valentine's Day and the Anniversary, it seemed appropriate to do something about it. Especially since my moribund St. Valentine's day ritual was about as mentally healthy as watching paint dry.

So I went to Graceland in Memphis TN. I learned many things. I listened to Outliers along the way. I gained a new perspective on things. This perspective is not perfect. There is still a lot about my situation that absolutely sucks, but it gives me a ladder by which I might remove myself from the pathetic and into the obscure.

I also learned that I liked Elvis. I learned my Destiny. Such as it is. You have to understand Destiny in the first place before you know when you find it and the means to achieve it. But it has also rerenewed my motive to write. I have also found my Tunnel (Monte Cristo reference.)

I may not ever get what I want, but that does not mean that the road less traveled does not have its own reward. Any more cliches I can throw in there?

At any rate. I also learned that letting a well meaning but psychotically deceptive emotionally manipulative person who I met for one day having any meaningful influence on my life probably really was a bad idea. So among other things, I am reembracing my inner geek, even if I am still mostly retired from Gaming. I like cons...a lot. I also discovered this last weekend and the weekend before that that I like small ones as well as large ones. I also like Steam Punk....but I still feel the whole movement is ...missing something. I just don't know what that is.

I have accumulated another medical condition. Exactly what it might mean will be determined Tuesday, so positive thoughts are appreciated.

T7 is moving along slowly but steadily. Sentinel is becoming more my project as well as Jay's so we'll see what happens there. I came back down from the mountain with all kinds of ideas. A week back in the real world (plus a potential meeting with the forces of darkness...or at least opposite forces) might have reduced my enthusiasm somewhat but not entirely.

More to come.

All's Quiet on the Western Front

Well I have my own place now. Its quiet. Very quiet. I might have to get a pet just to keep my sanity, though to be honest while there is plenty of room for just me, I don't know if there is enough room for a pet. I might wait the year out and get a house instead. At least rent one. I'm still not convinced ownership is something I'd really enjoy.

Still, all things told I'm more or less adjusting well to single life. When I'm watching a video, reading or writing then the silence is a bit less. There's also a rather nice Irish pub nearby called Pub 71 which I might start going to more often. Tuesday night is Trivia night, and if there is one thing I'm full of its trivia.

Birthday and move went well. Skip and Jay not only helped me move once but twice (storage stuff the second time.) A lot of boxes still unpacked but I'm kind of settling into the new place a bit at a time. I don't like moving even if I'm going to likely do it again in a year though I think this time I might hire movers. Jay and Skip were helpful but if I go out of town (a possibility) a pick up truck wouldn't quite do it. Who knows.

Ahead in my job comes peril or great opportunity. Interesting times as it were. Reorg happening to a more agile environment, which could mean a promotion and/or minor leadership position which would be great for my career, or an org change where my current position isn't needed. Of course, i've built the reserves and have the resume ready in case that happens, but I'd still rather it didn't, at least for another year. Steve is a good boss and I've enjoyed working with him.

We'll see what happens.